Day 5

41 days until 32 weeks

76 days until 37 weeks

 

Currently: 26 1/7 weeks

 

Well, I've been at this resting thing for 5 days now and am surviving. Making hats, watching Netflix, hanging out. I decided that I'm going to start watching some of the classic movies I can find on Netflix! So far, I've watched Good Morning, Vietnam and Breakfast at Tiffany's.

 

Little Bean continues to be a very active baby and one of the big blessings is getting to savor every kick, every movement and learning about this baby. The movements are miraculous. Everyone in the family has felt Little Bean and the smile on their face when they feel them is something to cherish. Those smiles keep me going during these long days. They are genuine smiles straight from their hearts. I adore them!

I got this devotional a few years ago called Jesus Calling by Sarah Young. When I first read it, I was completely amazed (and sometimes a little freaked out!) by how accurate it was for that day...how much it was just what I needed for that very day.  It was eerily spot on...a lot. So obviously, I've kept reading it over the past years. And once again, it has been spot on for what I need! Here is today's:

We are what seems like a mountain right now. If you look at the numbers and the goals, it seems overwhelming and too much. But if you step back, look at all of this as a whole, like Jesus does, it really isn't that huge of a mountain...not even a little. It is a small hill to get over in the grand scheme of life. And yes, while the days are long, the end seems forever away, they really aren't. I will even give My angels charge over you, to preserve you in all your ways. Our family has chosen to rely on God, on faith and on His timing to being Little Bean safely into this world. It's the only way that will work...so that's what we're going with. 

Thank you to each and every one of who have stopped by, called, text, FaceTimed...every interaction is very much appreciated! I can't even begin to explain how much they mean to me! From the bottom of my heart...thank you! Please keep the prayers coming! I have another Drs appointment tomorrow morning so please pray that everything is stable and there are no major problems! 

25 weeks

A friend left me a card today with this in it. It is what I need today. It's the exact reminder of what I need.

 

I'm perfectly imperfect. There's no one just like me, it's mind over matter, to be the best that I can be. As long as I keep going and to myself stay true, today will be the best day, no matter what I do.

 

I do not have a well-behaving, perfect cervix. My length is even less today, so the half-day plans have changed. They monitored me for a while and I was not having any significant contractions...maybe a few very tiny little blurps, but nothing that was "documentable." I'm going to start on Procardia, like I was on with Kenzi, just to be cautious and go from there. So yes, I am now on bedrest...at home. Whatever needs to happen to keep this little bean growing and inside.

 

They say that for every day you stay pregnant, it can decrease your NICU stay be 5 days. So every day is a blessing...a HUGE blessing! As I remember with Kenzi, goals are key...they are vital to get to what you want. Mind over matter. If you see it and can visualize it, it will happen. My goals are bold, yet simple:

 

1. No need to be hospitalized.

2. Have a term baby.

 

I have 81 days until I am 37 weeks, which they consider term. I want to say that I want short-term goals like two weeks...but 27 weeks isn't enough for me...I need 32 weeks for my first goal, which is 46 days...still a lot of days, but doable! I have to...there isn't an option. Healthy baby...that's what we need. In the grand scheme of this child's life, what is 46 days, or 81 days...a tiny blurp...in the grand scheme of life.

 

Please keep praying...prayers for a healthy baby, prayers for the best scenario possible, prayers for all of us!    

 

 

Update on Little Bean

Well, we've hit the 24 week mark with Little Bean! One week better than the last and so much to be thankful for...

24 weeks marks viability for this babe...three more weeks for a full sigh of relief for me, knowing the road would be long but not as worrisome! 

Three more weeks to pass the mark the time that I needed to go on bed rest with Kenzi. Every week after 27 is a gift in my mind! 

I had an appointment on Tuesday that changed the course a bit. My cervical length had been hanging around 35mm after I had my cerclage placed (it had been around 20mm at that time...my doc told me to think of it like a drawstring, when you pull everything together, things gets a little thicker.). Well, we went to start the ultrasound and my cervix was once again "dynamic" as the doctor put it. You could literally watch it go from 30s down to teens. Yes, I said teens....12mm to be exact. So the first restriction was placed of no outreach for work. Flying across the state to Rapid and up to Fargo is out, which was okay in my book, as I didn't want to be that far away, have something happen and have Jon that far away. So then yesterday afternoon, I felt off. Something just didn't feel right. So when it continued this morning, I went back in today and my "dynamic" cervix was now not being so dynamic and going back and forth, but just staying in the teens again. *sigh* So it was decided that I will do the same steroid shot that I did with Kenzi (betamethasone) today and tomorrow. Spend the next few days resting and then go back to work half-days until my next ultrasound. My cerclage is saving me from complete bedrest right now, as it is keeping the cervix closed, which is the job. (I had told Dr. Mac to tie things extra tight, so hopefully that'll be the trick!) We are going to take things one day at a time and see what happens.

Little Bean continues to grow and is certainly looking more like a baby on the pictures. When you start getting the 3D ultrasounds at 16 weeks, they don't look quite so adorable. Jackson has informed me numerous times that Little Bean is not very cute right now....until this last time around. I showed the kiddos the picture and Jackson said "Mom, his (yes he always says he...no, we do not know this babe's gender) nose looks like a real nose now and his cheeks are getting cuter!" They measured Little Bean at 1 lb 9 oz on Tuesday, so growing nicely at this point in time. And today's pictures showed the world's cutest little lips, wouldn't you say?!?


We have been in this spot before (although a few weeks earlier this time around) and I am confident that we can do this all again. I know there are people who are rolling their eyes and thinking, "If you've already been down this road once, why did you choose to do this again." I've heard some of the joking/sarcastic remarks of, "better make this your last baby so you don't have to put everyone else through this again."  I felt this way last time and I will continue to have the same thought process, which is this: while having preterm labor is not fun and not easy, it is not life threatening to me or to this baby. If I had extreme preeclampsia last time or something that put my life in danger or this baby's life in danger, we would have not done this again. I can do this again...I've done it before and can do it again.

I have prayed for more than 2 years that if God could not give us a healthy baby, then don't give us another chance at all and we will consider other options to expand our family, but God obviously has different plans for our family. This baby has been prayed over well before he/she was conceived. We prayerfully went into this knowing what could happen. We have taken out insurance policies to help if something were to happen and have been prepared for this. Having another baby in this family was not done half-hazardously, as some people may think. And no, I am not going to say that this is for sure our last baby, because I have a thing about permanently taking a person's fertility...I'm guessing it has something to do with having two aunts who passed away and when I think about that and what if something happened to myself or Jon and we found someone else to love and marry, I don't want to have made that permanent of a decision for their future. I don't want to intervene and make something permanent if that is not what God's plan is for us. Am I saying we will do this again...no Am I saying we won't...no...because that is not my decision, that is God's decision. So I am also graciously asking (in the nicest way possible) that if you hold the previous opinion, please keep it to yourself. If you cannot be supportive for us because you do not share the same opinion, then that is okay...just please don't share it with me or with anyone else either. It is not helpful for me to hear these things from anyone...it is stressful and heart wrenching for me to hear this and the last thing I need is more stress. We are bringing a life into this world. We are not doing this selfishly and without faith. We are doing this with full faith and I know that God's works is at hand.


What we need right now are a lot of prayers. Pray that cutting back on hours is all I need. Pray for this baby to grow and be healthy. Pray for Dr. McNamara as he makes decisions regarding this pregnancy. He is a phenomenal physician and I could not ask to be in any better hands than his. Pray for things to stabilize and not change. Pray for our entire family. Any prayers that you are willing to give, are greatly appreciated!