Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Please don't judge me...

Please don't judge me...this is hard for me to say to others. Because I fear that you will judge me for what I'm about to say. 

I don't worry about my kids. It's not worth it to me. 

Now that you've thought 'what is wrong with this mother?!? Who says that about their own children?' let me explain...I started doing an online bible study through Proverbs 31 called Am I Messing Up My Kids? by Lysa TerKeurst and as I read the chapter for today, I got all teared up...because it's exactly how I feel but fear that other moms would take it the wrong way...that I don't care about my kids...which isn't true.

My parenting philosophy started well before my kids were here...back to when Jon & I were engaged and I was working in the NICU. I had the privilege of taking care of this beautiful baby girl, Jentry. She was born with an omphalocele and I had her over a weekend. On Saturday, her parents, Carrie & Jeremy, came in to see her and get an update. As I'm updating them on how Jentry's night was and how her labs looked, Carrie turned to me and said, "We can't do this to her just because we want to be parents." And just like that, looking at these two most faithful people, my parenting philosophy changed completely. These two people showed me so much about parenting and faith, all in a few short hours. They showed me that while I love my children with all of my might, I can't control what happens to them....I can't control the plan that God has already made for them. I will protect them to the best of my ability, with all of my might...I will teach them to look both ways before crossing the street, talk to them about water safety, talk about stranger danger and will do everything I can to keep them safe.  I only send my children with people that I trust. If I don't trust them whole heartedly with my children's life, then I won't do it. It's part of doing my best to keep them safe...to the best of my ability. Because that is my job as their mother. So when I read this, it just hit home!

It's okay for us moms to be protective over our children and watch out for their well-being. That's one of the most important aspects of our job. But it's not okay for the fear of the unknown to paralyze us and stifle our kids in the process. The reality is that God has assigned a certain number of days to our children, and nothing we do or don't do will add to that number. 

It is exactly what I've been thinking and feeling, yet too scared to say outloud, for fear of being judged. I still struggle at times and it hasn't been an overnight, worry-free life. I struggled to let anyone else drive my kids, but with time and prayer, this has gotten easier. Because it has everything to do with trust...if I trust that person with all my heart, I will be ok if something happened to them in their care (well, not ok, but not angry). If I don't, then I won't send them. God knows how many days each of my precious children are needed here on this earth to fulfill His purpose. I can hope and pray it is long, but there is nothing I can do beyond that, so why worry?

So I'd like to leave you with this thought (also from this devotional and slightly modified but powerful): 

They are God's children. He gave them to us, and if He chooses, He might take them. But whether He leaves or takes them, we have to stand here today and say we love Him no matter what. We're not saying we love what He might allow to happen, but we must love God for who He is, not what He does. 

There is no greater earthly love than a parent's love for their children. Only God loves them more. And I can say that with all my heart, I put my children's lives into His loving hand and know He has a plan for them. So being an overprotective, can't let them out of my sight, helicopter-like mom doesn't honor that love and respect that I have for this God who loves me and choose me to be their mother...because I am exactly the mom that my children needed. And for that, I thank God! 

Sunday, July 27, 2014

Happy sweet, sweet Birthday!!

Our Kenzington Jolee turned three...THREE!!! I can't believe it...three whole years ago that we went through this crazy summer to get that beautiful little girl brought healthily into this world! This sweet, sassy little girl had been such an amazing blessing to our family! She has taught us that anytime is a good time to dance, little girl hands turn any recipie into straight goodness and that there isn't another little girl who adores he big brother as much as her!! 

Kenzi had a spectacular birthday party!! She had fantastic friends and family here to celebrate with her. She was so adorable when she saw her birthday cake all completed! I turned around her cake and she goes, "Hi Dinder-wella" and smiled! Adorable!!

The other funny story:

So we're saying bedtime prayers at night and decided to say special prayers, rather than the typical bedtime prayers. So she's repeating along, saying our prayer:

"God, thank you for blessing our family with this little girl. You have blessed our day with great family, wonderful friends and spectacular weather." To which Kenzi repeats all in stride,, " great family, wonderful friends and opening presents." 

Happy sweet, sweet Birthdaym Kenzington Jolee!! We hope you loved your day as much as we do!! 

Thursday, March 20, 2014

Back to her sassy little self!

Well, our little lady is back to her sassy little self! Everyone told me 10 days and I was hopeful it wouldn't take that long, but leave it to the experts...they were right! On Saturday, her entire persona changed! With a lot of Popsicles, Gatorade, fruit cups, and snuggles, we made it through the week. 

A quick story about our silly little girl. When we got to the hospital that morning and went to get her ready, they went to do her blood pressure. For those of you who have had it done...the machines they use get super uber tight, which Kenzi was not a fan of. Well, thanks to some Child Life knowledge, along with a mom who does BP checks on kids umpteen times a day, I told Kenzi to sing her ABCs while it was going and by the time she was done singing, it would be done. So when we got to recovery and got her settled down, they went to do her blood pressure and out sweet little Kenzi's tarted singing her ABCs. The nurse told us that as she was waking up and they did her BP, she had sang then as well and no one knew why! Even when we got to the Peds floor, she would sing until it was done! 

The big highlight of our week was the fact that Frozen came out on DVD. (And after watching Monster University at least 18 times last week, I'm ready for a new movie!) Let's just say that we've watched Frozen enough that Kenzi will quote the movie and both kids can sing most of the songs! Great musical with a great story. 

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Long time no see!

Sooooo....I have to be honest. Life got so crazy that I forgot that I even had this blog!! It hadn't even dawned on me that I haven't posted since Kenzi was 15 months old...15 months! 

Fast forward the past year and Jack has started Kindergarten and loves every minute of it! Kenzi is a fun and feisty 2 1/2 year old who loves singing, dancing, puzzles and reading. 

A friend asked me if I was still blogging...and oops! Forgot about that!

So the biggest update is that Miss Kenzi is getting her tonsils and adenoids out tomorrow. Jack had this done but was a year older than Miss K. She'll be in overnight for observation so Mommy will stay with her at the Castle. Wish us luck. Say an extra prayer for all of us and her doctor. I'll let you know how tomorrow goes!