Day 20

5 days until 32 weeks

19 days until 34 weeks

33 days until 36 weeks

Currently: 31 2/7 weeks

Well, it had been a quiet weekend here at Hotel Sanford until this afternoon. I've been trying to go to sleep for about half an hour, but needed to vent some frustrations. I had one of my favorite nurses on Friday and Saturday. She must have gotten to stay home today because she wasn't here. Let me tell you, not too impressed with my nurse today. I'm normally very tolerant of many things, but today was frustrating. Thankfully, my mom was around so she could help me out with things, because for some reason, everyone must have thought Sunday was slack day around here.

As many of you know, this dependence on other people is killing me. It's so hard for me not to do things for myself. About the only thing I can do for myself is go to the bathroom, take a shower and get ready. The lack of independence is tough. It would be for anyone (I'm assuming) but I'm also not a person who wants to bother people with piddly things. While I am not as high risk as some patients that are here, I still can't do anything for myself. Things have been relatively quiet, so I have been dubbed the "boring" patient. (In the medical world, boring is good...to the rest of the world, it may be insulting, but to be "boring" is a good thing for me!). But boring doesn't mean ignore! One thing I can't do is get my own water...it is literally across the hall from me, but I can't get water myself. Yesterday, I saw my patient care tech (fancy title for nurse aide) ONE time! And that was to get my vitals at 7:30...nothing like waking up our entire family to get vitals, when I requested waiting until we wake up. Jon and Jack left around 10, so I was by myself the entire day. Not once did this girl come and ask if I needed anything. I'm not one to want to bother and call someone to ask for a glass of water, so I usually wait until someone comes in to check on me. Needless to say, yesterday AND today, I never saw this girl!! Yesterday was ok...my nurse popped in a few times and would get me a refill (she's wonderful...really wish I had her today!). Today, I had a slack aide AND a slack nurse...who rolled her eyes when I asked for more water. This aide must not be too keen about her job because I simply asked if she could wash my water bottle (since it had crystal light in it). One would think that by asking to wash it, it meant filling it up with water as well. I mean, I can't get my own water, so wouldn't that be the logical thing?!? Nope, got an empty water bottle back, and rolled eyes for asking her to fill it. Great start to the day...it's not like I ask for much...simply to fill my water bottle.

So that was a bit frustrating but then to top it off, I had a nurse who wouldn't listen today! I've had her once before and she's just ho-hum...not really the listening type about concerns or questions. Like I've said before, I'm not exactly an exciting patient, but I still have things I need...like my meds on time. Needless to say, I lost track of time today (in a crochet project...go figure) and didn't realize until 4:30 that I needed my dose of Procardia. This med is fairly important, so I called to ask for it..."Oh yeah, I guess you need that" was the response. So I mentioned to her that I was feeling some tightness for the past hour or so (not uncommon when I need my dose) so she said, "It may just be baby moving around a lot or maybe a few contractions...it'll stop in a while after your meds kick in" Well, kinda important to figure out which is which...before I even had the chance to ask to be put on the monitor, she was gone. You'd figure that if your patient mentions something like this, you'd check and see if things changed after the medication, but nope...nothing. Didn't see anyone again until my night nurse came on at 7:30. Maybe it was because Jack and my mom came up, but still...no reason not to pop your head in and check. I seriously saw the lady three times in 12 hours...not exactly excellent patient care if you ask me! It's not like they are crazy busy and don't have time to stop in for a minute and check. I don't know what my contractions actually feel like, so am never 100% sure that's what truly is happening. My night nurse came on and so I mentioned it to her that I had been having this random tightness for a few hours. She immediately puts me on the monitor and, yup, contractions about every 5-6 minutes. So she gave me my procardia dose early and that seemed to slow things down for now. We'll see how the night goes, but so far the contractions have slowed down. So I'm a bit frustrated that I had a nurse aide who couldn't manage to do her job today AND a nurse who blew me off. I'm not typically an assertive person per say, so I know that I should have just called her and asked to be put on the monitor, but at the same time, what kind of nurse doesn't check in at least a few times during a 12 hour shift. I know that HROB isn't exactly the most exciting place to be when you work labor and delivery, but still...kind of important to keep this baby inside and not have labor progress!

So thank you for letting me vent...I'm hoping that things quiet down tonight and my contractions will slow down and stop. My nurse tonight debated checking me to see if I've had any cervical changes, but decided that since they slowed down, to wait until morning and see what Dr. VanEerden thinks. Checking too often can start labor and we definitely don't want that!! Hopefully these contractions don't keep me up tonight (although, the fact that I can't tell the difference leads me to think that I'd sleep through them anyway...they're not painful, just a nuisance, but also not reassuring since I could have them every often enough to cause cervical changes and I wouldn't have any idea) and aren't doing anything crazy!

Other than today, things have been good. My mom got here early this morning so Jon could play in a golf tournament. He didn't play as well as he wanted to, but was glad to get the chance to go out. Jack had a fun day...we finger painted this morning, he and Oma played outside after his nap and then they came back for supper tonight. Hopefully this week is nice and quiet and home on Friday is still the plan! Here's to hoping for a better staff tomorrow!!

Day 18

8 daysuntil 32 weeks

22 days until 34 weeks

36 days until 36 weeks

Currently: 30 6/7 weeks

It's another day in room 3507! Yesterday was a bit stressful, as the on-call doctor had a different plan than what we have created with Dr. VanEerden and Dr. Kemper. Caused some issues, lots of stress and a few too many tears, but things have been ironed out and are much better today. Our current plan is that since we had to increase the Procardia, we're going to keep things quiet for a week and then go home next Friday. Our goal has always been 32 weeks. After 32 weeks, there are fewer interventions that need to happen to help baby. Before 32 weeks, if labor starts, I can get Magnesium Sulfate to help slow down labor and more importantly, help protect baby's brain. The hard part is that this needs to be done about 2 days before delivery to be most effective. I talked with Dr. VanEerden today and while they don't think anything is going to happen in the next week (mainly since it hasn't happened yet), being here is what is best to get any of those necessary interventions if they are needed. This sounds completely off the wall, but one of my major concerns is myself...I don't really have the confidence in myself to know what consititutes going in. The first day, yes I noticed some bleeding, but didn't have anything else and everything was fine. Sunday, I get here, thinking absolutely nothing is different, only to find out that I had been contracting all day and my cervix was changing. I'm so scared that I won't know when I need to come in and that I'll be in every day, thinking something is going on, when nothing is OR that I'll notice something and not think it's important enough to come in...and then we'll miss the opportunity to do the MagSulfate and Monkey will have a tougher course than need be. So with all of those fears and worries, Dr. VanEerden was completely ok with one more week and then home, as long as my cervix has not changed. So there's the plan that we have! The procardia has slowed down my contractions, but I'm still having them here and there. They will check my cervix one last time before I go home next week and we will go from there.

I again have spent my day crocheting. I made a frog hat and another pink-girly hat today. I'm still having a hard time figuring out sizes and how to make patterns bigger, so I'm a bit nervous that the frog hat will be too big for Evan and the pink one will be too small for my friend's daughter...the downfall of not being able to have anyone except Jack try them on! I started a list of hats I want to make, so won't run out of ideas or projects to make! My nurse tonight even put in a request! Everyone keeps telling me to open an Etsy shop, which would be great, if I had any idea of what to price these at! I guess when life hands you lemons, you make lemonade!

Tomorrow is Friday which means another sleep over with Jackson! Can't wait to see him again and have him and Jon with me all night...to finally be a family again, even if it is confined to 4 walls at Sanford Hospital right now!

Day 17

9 daysuntil 32 weeks

23 days until 34 weeks

37 days until 36 weeks

Currently: 30 5/7 weeks

Today starts Day 17...a day I wasn't sure we'd ever get to. When we started this journey and we had 26 days (rather than 9!), it seemed daunting...it seemed a far fetched hope to get this far. But here we are...and hopefully will continue onward.

I wish I could say that things were staying nice and quiet, but last night they changed just a bit. Nothing drastic, nothing detrimental, but non-the-less, a change. I've started actually feeling my contractions, which in all reality, means that they are just getting stronger. Dr. VanEerden was on yesterday and thought it would be best to check my cervix and see if there had been any changes. Thankfully, no changes...still 1 cm dilated, although maybe a BIT thinner than before (50% effaced, rather than 60%...very minimal and expected). So more than likely, my cervical length has decreased again. Everything was ok...we had talked about possibly going home on Friday if things stayed quiet, but then I started noticing more contractions. Luckily, the medication that I'm on (Procardia) is still on the low-dose, so today we decided to double the dose up to 20 mg every 6 hours and see if that does the trick. These contractions are not consistent, which is key for active labor. Just because they are stronger doesn't mean that they are actually doing anything, like changing my cervix. So I'm not sure Friday is still the plan or not...probably depends on my comfort level and if I feel like I'm having less contractions. It's like as soon as I'm somewhat comfortable with how things have quieted down and we start thinking about home, something else pops up.

We can't complain about this...we've made it 17 more days than I thought! We're just hoping that we will get a few more weeks out of this pregnancy for Monkey's sake...well, and our sake too. It's just hard because this entire pregnancy, all I've thought about is Jack and him getting to meet Monkey for the first time. I bought the big brother t-shirt and the little brother/sister onsie and have just imagined him rounding the corner of my hospital room, all excited to meet Monkey in their adorable matching shirts. There's always been that small part of my brain that kept saying "don't get too excited or hooked on that image...it may not happen" but I didn't really think that would be the case. Now we're having to try and explain the NICU to Jack and how he won't be able to go back and see Monkey until Monkey is ready to come home from the hospital and that we don't know how long that will actually be so it may be a few weeks until he actually gets to meet and hold Monkey. Try explaining THAT to a 3 1/2 year old and see how much they understand!! I guess the only silver lining to this is that he himself was in the NICU, so we have lots of pictures to show him what Monkey's isolette will look like, the monitors he was on and so on. So maybe in his little mind, that's just where babies go after they're born. Hopefully my image will come true and we will get that perfect family moment, like everyone else does. But if we don't, we'll manage and I'm sure Jack will do fine. Thank goodness for Skype and the ability for him to see Monkey and talk with him/her. Pray for us, as this situation will be stressful for all of us. We can't predict the future to know when Monkey's arrival will be...anytime between now and August 5th! That's 65 possible days this could happen...crazy to think about!

We have a few prayer requests (like always!).

1. Please pray that this dose of Procardia will do the trick and keep things calm for a few more weeks.

2. Please pray for Jon and Jack, who thankfully now have the help of Grandma and Oma this summer.

3. Most importantly, please pray for a great high school friend of mine who delivered a little boy, Jaden, at 24 weeks while they were on a long weekend trip over Memorial Day. They are away from home and family and could use even more prayers than us right now!!

Day 15

11 days until 32 weeks

25 days until 34 weeks

39 days until 36 weeks

Currently: 30 3/7 weeks

This will probably be short and sweet. We are still status quo and staying steady. We've made it to 30 3/7 weeks...wooo hooo!!! Getting this far makes 34 weeks look atainable!!  Last night, Jon and Jack spent the night which was great. Nothing better than to waking up to Jack crawling in my bed, mumbling, "Monkey needs his big brother to snuggle him." (and yes, Jack's guess is boy...if you mention the word 'she' he will immediately correct you!)

We had an ultrasound today to check on Monkey's growth and everything looked great! Monkey weighs in around 3 lbs 5 oz, which is right on track for his/her estimated due date. It took some major coaxing and work to get some pictures without an arm over Monkey's face, but we got some!! Makes me laugh because Jon almost always sleeps with an arm over his face...so Monkey sleeps just like Daddy! Here's the pics we got:



finally got a face shot without hiding!




a bit of a smirk going on!!




The typical arm over the face picture!



Day 13

13 days until 32 weeks

27 days until 34 weeks

41 days until 36 weeks

Currently: 30 1/7 weeks

We're almost down to single digits to meet our first goal of 32 weeks!! And we can't even begin to explain how much of a thrill that is for us. When I was put in the hospital 13 days ago, I didn't really have the confidence that we'd make it to 30 weeks, and here we are!! There has been such a huge sigh of relief to have made it even 2 more weeks!! I know I've said it before, but every single day that we get is a huge blessing. As much as people think even 1 day won't make a difference, it isn't true. Each day, each hour for that matter, is a blessing!

Our latest Monkey portrait

We are at the point of being "boring" as the doctors say. Boring is good in the medical world! Boring means stable. So far, things have stayed somewhat stable. I had a cervical length done yesterday and that stayed the same at 7 mm. From now on, we will stop checking cervical lengths, as it is not very accurate anymore, since we're down to single digits for measurements. I mean, we're talking millimeters here, so hard to be exact!! From here on out, things will be based on my symptoms and such. So if I start having more contractions on a consistent, rhythmic pattern, then we'll see if my cervix is dilating more. The hard part is not letting curiosity get the best of me. I've stayed stable at 1 cm dilated, but they haven't checked me for almost a week. It's hard not knowing if there have been changes, but the problem is that if they check too often, it can irritate the cervix and start labor...not really where we want to be! So right now, we are sitting tight. The plan that I've heard is staying here until 32 weeks and then going home on bedrest after that. Although, I've also heard if I have another week of stability, then home sooner. Hard to say what will happen. I'm still having contractions here and there, but nothing exciting. We're hoping to keep it that way!! As I've mentioned before, I've kept myself busy with projects! I finally figured out how to upload pictures from my phone, so here are a few of my favorites!
 

We're hoping that there can be many more projects created before this little Monkey arrives! People keep joking that I should start selling them, which isn't out of the realm of possibilities. So now we have a contest among the nurses who can come up with the most creative name. I'm in room 3507, so they keep trying to incorporate that into it! Any suggestions?? 

Day 10

16 days until 32 weeks

30 days until 34 weeks

44 days until 36 weeks

Currently: 29 5/7 weeks

We're up to double digits for our stay...day 10. I had another ultrasound this morning to check cervical length and unfortunately, it's down to 7 mm (from 12 on Monday). So that just means I'm not going home anytime soon. In all reality, it gives me a sense of relief...it gives BOTH of us relief! We both know that as long as I'm here, I'll be monitored closely and if something happens, we'll know sooner. Jon and I both feel like I can make it to at least 32 weeks as long as I am in the hospital. If I go home, we feel like it will be sooner than that. For all things involved (especially Monkey being in the NICU), we need to get past 32 weeks. If the doctors told me to hang upside down from the ceiling to keep this baby in, I'd do it! So right now, as horrible and tough as it is not being home and not seeing Jack and Jon every day, I know it's what needs to happen and I'm okay with this.

When I talked to Jon today, his first comment was, "Well, looks like we'll be having a baby sooner than later." And I immediately said, "Not necessarily." Just because my cervical length is less, doesn't meant that this baby is coming soon. One of the things that they do to help boost premature babies is giving betamethasone (a steroid) to help their lungs. I had that done when I came in and they don't repeat that. The other thing that they do is give Magnesium Sulfate to help protect the baby's brain. Premature babies have an increased risk for intracranial (inside the brain) bleeding. This can cause some major problems and be a huge indication of life long problems. MagSulfate is most effective when it is given two days prior to delivery. Right now, there is NO talk of needing to start this. I've asked every time my length drops and they keep saying 'not yet.' Now, the day that they tell me that we need to start MagSulfate will be the day that I get a bit more nervous. When they finally pull that trigger, I will know that delivery is soon. So as for right now, we are doing ok. There is not any talk that Monkey will be arriving in the next few days. I will do another cervical length on Friday and we will see what that brings. My contractions have slowed down a lot, which is a blessing. I'm still having a few here and there, but nothing consistent enough to make any changes. Monkey is very active and moving all over the place, so that's also good news! Keep sending the prayers and I'll keep cooking this baby! Thanks for checking in!

Jon, Libby, Jack and Monkey 

Day 8

18 days until 32 weeks
32 days until 34 weeks

46 days until 36 weeks

Currently: 29 3/7 weeks

So we finally have a plan of action. My ultrasound today is, for the most part, stable. I went from 14 mm down to 12 mm, so yes it's a drop, but not as significant as previously. I also have not dilated anymore which is good news. I can sit like this for quite some time, which gives us some comfort. So right now, the plan is that we will do another ultrasound on Wednesday or Thursday and if that is stable then I will go home. That gives me 1 week of being "quiet" and that gives us a sense of relief.

Now when I go home, I will continue to be on complete bedrest. I know this will be more challenging at home than here at the hospital, but it's what we have to do. I'm nervous that being home will only confuse Jack and he'll think I can just get up and do a few things and won't understand that it's just like at the hospital...Mommy can only get out of bed to go to the bathroom and shower. Pray that when we are home, Jack does well with this transition. It will be challenging, but we will do whatever it is to get a few more weeks. Thankfully, our moms are out of school and able to help out soon. I will have weekly doctor's appointments and cervical lengths. Dr. McNamara (another one of the perinatologists) reassured me that even one contraction is enough for me to go back into the hospital if need be. (I think they're all catching on to the high anxiety that I've been feeling about going home and are doing anything to try and reassure right now...more comforting than they know.)

So that's the plan for right now. Wait a few more days to make sure things are truly stable and then home until delivery. Once again, every day is a blessing. Every day is one more day that we're not in the NICU...one more day to keep Monkey safely growing inside. Please continue to pray for each and every day we can get. Thank you for your continued thoughts and prayers. Every text, post on facebook, phone call...it's all so encouraging and appreciated!!

Taking things day by day...

Jon, Libby, Jackson and Monkey

Day 7

19 days until 32 weeks

33 days until 34 weeks

47 days until 36 weeks

Currently: 29 2/7 weeks

Okay, so I knew this day would come that all of this would hit me. Yes, I understand the seriousness of all this and yes, I understand that this will all be fine and that we are trusting in the Lord to keep us safe through all of this. But tonight is a rough night. Probably because I had Jon and Jack here almost the whole weekend and they just left. Or maybe it's because my ultrasound is tomorrow and to be honest, I'm terrified. I don't know what is causing all of it. I know that things have been somewhat stable, still contracting, but nothing excessive, no other signs of labor, but I'm still scared. I'm terrified that even stability doesn't mean that Monkey will stay inside. I'm scared that if I am stable enough to go home, I won't know I'm having contractions until it's too late and I'll deliver even earlier than expected. I'm scared if I go home, that no matter what, this baby will come sooner than later. For some reason, being in the hospital gives me the comfort of knowing that the doctors (and myself) did everything possible to keep this pregnancy going. If I go home, that's solely on me. What if I miss contractions AGAIN and I don't come in soon enough to be able to do anything about it? What if I feel like I'm doing fine and start thinking I'm ok to get up every so often, knowing what I should do, but thinking, oh putting in that load of laundry won't be a big deal and then that happens too much and it is a big deal? Will I know that I'm pushing myself too much before I'm seen again? I know that I'll have frequent doctor's appointments, but what if once a week isn't enough or I have major changes the day after I'm seen and don't realize it and I'm not scheduled to be seen again until next week, will I know? I have so many 'what ifs' that it's driving me nuts. I'm trying to keep my brain occupied by reading, watching movies, etc...but honestly, the best thing has been this new found hobby of crocheting. Sounds old ladyish...I know! But it keeps my mind busy. I have to count stitches, I have to figure things out and that is good for my very preoccupied mind right now!

But I'm still scared. I'm worried and nervous about what the future holds for us. If Monkey arrives in the next few weeks, what long term effects will we have? Will he/she have long term health problems because of this, will it be a miracle and he/she will turn out as perfectly healthy as Jack did? How will having a baby in the NICU affect Jack? Is he old enough to understand and comprehend all of this? Are we expecting too much out of him? I don't know. It's all of the unknowns that run through my brain. And all I can do right now is pray. Pray for understanding. Pray for peace. Pray for our family.

I had a friend stopped by today and it was the best conversation and exactly what I needed. She is a labor and delivery nurse so she understands this...from all sides. She has a son about Jack's age, so she gets how this affects our family. She's a labor and delivery nurse, so she understands all of my fears. Not that our other friends haven't been able to understand...it's just that she got it. She said a lot of things that made sense and put my mind at ease. Going through all of this is going to have to force Jon and I to do things and let go of things that we never have before. We don't have the complete control that we did before, and that's okay. She helped me realize that as tough as all of this is, this will make us stronger. Stronger as a couple, stronger as parents, stronger as a family. It was a blessing to have her stop by and I'm sure she'll never fully realize how awesome and amazing that was.

So yes, tonight is a tough night. Tomorrow will be another day. We will have more answers tomorrow about what the plan is and know more about how Monkey is doing. Pray that tomorrow is a better day! So in the mean time, I'm going to keep reminding myself day after day that God never, ever gives us more than we can handle. In every situation that He puts us in, He knows that we can handle it. He knows what He's doing and we just have to trust in His plan. Day by day...

Day 6

20 days until 32 weeks

34 days until 34 weeks

48 days until 36 weeks

Currently: 29 1/7 weeks

Same story...different day. I'm still having contractions here and there, but nothing consistent. Both Jon and I are anxious for Monday to get here so we can see if there has been any more dilation or thinning at all. We're praying for neither...anything steady and stable would be good. The biggest concern is that I'm not feeling the contractions every time they  happen. You'd think it wouldn't really be questionable, but at this stage in pregnancy, it is! Talk about frustration...I feel fine and then they tell me I had a few when I was on the monitor...oops, didn't notice those! That's really what is buying us our time in the hospital. We'll know more on Monday if there is a possibility of going home or not.  

Last night, Jon and Jack spent the night with me. It was so nice to finally have our family in one place for an entire night. While 6 days isn't all that long, it feels like an eternity all at the same time. Especially when it comes to our family and being together. Jack was excited to come up last night for our sleepover. He brought his sleeping bag and slept next to my bed. We watched Toy Story 3 and then went to bed. It took a little while for him to get settled, but I think he'll do better tonight. I reminded him that he needs to bring some of his movies from home, as there are only a few cartoons on the free movie list! Hopefully we all get a bit more sleep tonight.

The highlight of my day was getting to go outside for a while. Dr. MacNamara (one of the other perinatologists) gave me the go ahead for wheelchair rides a few times per day. We took Jack over to the front yard of the castle to run around. They have a nice path with big circles and squares to run around. He played at the fountain for a while. It was just a huge blessing to get some sunshine and fresh air...even if it was only for about 45 minutes. It'll be hard to see nice weather outside and not be able to enjoy it! A few days a week will be nice though! While I can tolerate these 4 walls, Jack has some troubles, rightfully so! It's a lot to ask a 3 1/2 year old to entertain himself and play in the confinements of a hospital room. I'm grateful that they'll let me go outside so he can burn off some energy.

Hopefully tomorrow is another boring day for us. Please continue to pray for our family and this growing miracle. We need all of the prayers we can get!! Thanks for checking in.

Jon, Libby, Jackson and Monkey

Day 5...21 days to go

21 days until 32 weeks

         35 days until 34 weeks         

49 days until 36 weeks

Currently: 29 0/7 weeks

Well...it's day 5. The good news: I'm still pregnant! The bad news: I'm still in the hospital and not going anywhere anytime soon. I was hoping they'd do another ultrasound today, but Dr. VanEerden said that even if my cervix was thinner, we wouldn't change the plan that we're on, so he felt Monday was okay unless things change. I'm not having many contractions that I'm noticing (although, I feel like I've had some, just not when I'm being monitored). I'm not ruptured and I haven't shown any other signs of active labor. If that changes, then I'll have another ultrasound but unless things change we'll wait until Monday.

On Wednesday when I realized I probably wasn't going anywhere, I realized I needed something to do besides look through magazines, read books and watch TV. So I figured I could learn how to crochet. (crazy thought, I know!) Nikki stopped by Hobby Lobby for me and brought some yarn. I did lots of youtubing that day, trying to figure it out. Wasn't working out well, but I figured I had some time! Well, my night nurse, Sandy, came on and she knew how to crochet, so showed me how!! I made a hot pad thing of some sort (basically it's just a bunch of rows for practice). I figured if I could accomplish that, I could move onto a hat. So I made a hat, but it wasn't very big. It would fit Monkey if he/she arrived right now, but we don't want that, so it was just practice. I googled and found all sorts of blogs and started another one. Mission accomplished and I've made a hat! It's pretty girly, so Nikki is going to pick me up some more boyish yarn so there's a hat if this is a boy and one if it's a girl. I may have a hat for every day of the week done pretty soon!

Like I've said before, I'd rather sit here in the hospital any day, keeping this baby inside, than sit with our baby in the NICU. There are days that are very long, but I know that the days will be even longer and harder over there. At 29 weeks, there are so many complications that can happen and I keep reminding myself every time I start getting sad or start thinking about how much this sucks, that this is better for Monkey and better for all of us. At 29 weeks, we risk Monkey having breathing problems and ending up with life-time lung problems. Some babies have a hard time with feedings and have lots of issues with that. Every day that I can keep this baby inside reduces those risks minutely. Not a lot, but every day is one day better than the last. They say that every day the baby sits inside, decreases your NICU stay by 2-3 days. So even though it's hard missing every bedtime at home and it's hard not getting the extra snuggles that Jack wants in the morning and it's hard missing the good-bye hugs, every day is a better day than the last for Monkey. I sit here often and wonder why this is happening, why our family, why now but I know that God has a plan for us.

"For I know the plans that I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

We had that verse at our wedding and I think of it often through all of the things we've been through. I know and trust that God has a plan for us and that it is glorious. I know that God would not do anything to harm us, although at the time, it's devastating. He has a plan for us and everything happens for a reason. There is some sort of reason for this and although we don't know what it is, nor may we not until we meet God himself, I know that it will be okay. It's times like this that strengthen my faith, when some people would just question. I know through my whole mind and body that God knows what he is doing and he has a plan for us. I have to remind myself of this often, because it is very easy to slip back into the 'poor me' thought process. We have awesome doctors, my nurses are amazing. Nikki has been a huge help. Jon has been strong for me and Jack is doing alright. He's old enough to understand what's going on and accept what is happening. I'm sure there will be a break down at some point, (I mean...he's only 3, what do you expect!) but we will get through this with God that gives us strength.

Tonight we are having a sleepover and Jack is very excited. He's got his sleeping bag all ready to go, pjs packed and movies ready. I secretly think he's most excited about taking a bath in my big whirlpool tub, but let's be honest...who wouldn't be?!?! It's really nice! I'm ecstatic to see them tonight and have more than just a few hours with Jon and Jack. 

So for now, we're just hanging tight, baby-growing our way through the day! Thank you for your continued prayers and keep sending them our way!! 

Day 4...24 to go

So here we are on Day 4 in the hospital. 24 more days to hit our first goal (32 weeks)! I had an ultrasound done this morning to check cervical length and unfortunately, it was down to 14 mm (from 18mm). So I'm still here. They decided against checking to see if I've dilated any more purely because my contractions have slowed down. They'll do another ultrasound in a few days and check cervical length again. If it remains stable, then they will check to see if I've dilated more with a possibility of going home if that is stable.

Right now, Monkey has flipped around and is now breech. But when you're only 28 weeks...there is still alot of room to flip and rotate around! The ultrasound tech did say that the fluid around the baby looked slightly low, but nothing to get worried about yet. Monkey still moves around a lot and is very active, which is great news.

Unfortunately, this is all just a waiting game. Waiting to see if my cervix is thinner...waiting to see if I've dilate more...waiting to see when this miracle will make it's entrance into the world! Our first goal is 32 weeks...and then we'll re-adjust our goal at that time. I asked Dr. VanEerden what my chances are of making it to 32 weeks, or 34 or 36 for that matter! Of course, it is hard to predict, but he did say that he has a mom next door who is pregnant with twins. She came in at 26 weeks, with a cervical length of 5mm and dilated to 5 cm. She's been in for 6 weeks and is still holding on. So with a story like that, it gives us hope!! Hope that the only thing we have to do is bedrest and we'll get through all of this with a healthy baby at the end!

There are so many things that you hope for when you find out that a baby is going to join your family. I think one of the last things people hope for is a term pregnancy...it's just expected. With every bump in the road along this pregnancy, it has shown me just how strong our marriage is, how strong our faith is, how strong our family is and how truly blessed we are. We have Nikki living with us and able to help out with Jack. We have a wonderful church family who is willing to help us out with Jack and help with meals. We have a wonderful team of doctors and nurses who are doing everything they can to keep this pregnancy going. We have a mom at our daycare who is a Child Life Specialist who can help Jack to understand a lot of this. We have Jen who has the patience of a saint with Jack, as he tries to understand all of this. It's summer, so we have my mom, Jon's mom, and Jon's aunts available to help since they're out of school. I have a group of nurses that I work with that stop by to break up my day. We have numerous friends who check in and pray. We truly are blessed with so many things. But most importantly, I've realized what an amazing husband I really have. Jon has been my rock and I am so thankful for that. I am lucky that he does so much with Jack and he isn't one of those dads who is just there. Jack is lucky to have a dad like him and I know that with our faith we will make it through all of this.

Well, that's probably enough for today. We'll see what tomorrow brings and go from there. Jon and Jack are going to come up for supper tonight. Last night was a bit too busy, so I'm anxious and excited to see them both! Thank you all for the continued prayers and keep 'em coming!!

Jon, Jack, Libby and Monkey

Day 3...25 more to go for our goal

I've been waiting for Jon to bring our laptop up so I can keep everyone up-to-date! So Sunday afternoon we all came up so I could get my second betamethasone shot. I was expecting to come in, get my shot and continue on our day of groceries and graduation receptions....not so much! They hooked me up to the monitor to just check and I was having a few contractions. Couldn't feel them or didn't notice them, so they just kept watching. Got my shot, figured we'd be on our way, but then contractions started coming more frequently. My nurse kept asking if I noticed any and I said nope, not at all! Makes me a tad bit nervous that I'm not noticing something as important as contractions...yikes! Because of the frequency of contractions, the nurse suggested just staying for a few hours and watching things. So I sent Jack and Jon grocery shopping and waited...still contracting, so the nurse asked to check and see if there were any changes. Let the tears begin..."You're 1 cm dilated and about 60% effaced." Yikes...28 weeks and starting into labor is not a good thing. She called my perinatologist and the decision was made to start some medication and keep me in for at least 48 hours to watch things. So Jon took Jack home and got him settled in with Nikki and came back to the hospital. Took my first dose of Indocin...still contracting. Things slowed down until I needed my next dose early in the morning. Lots of contractions around that time, but then things started calming down.

So here we are, at Hotel Sanford, watching and waiting. When I first was pregnant and talking with my doctors, we had the goal of at least 37 weeks...they felt that was very possible and things looked good. So change in status as my cervical length wasn't so hot to start. Then the goal went to 34 weeks (when Jack came). Now the goal is 32 weeks. So that gives me 25 more days to go. Every day from here is absolutely a blessing. For every day that this baby stays inside, is said to save about 2-3 days in the NICU. From working in the NICU, we completely understand this. Dr. VanEerden was in this morning and I'm still having some contractions here and there...nothing consistent, nothing to get that excited about. But that does mean I'm still here. I'll be switching medications and POSSIBLY going home in the next few days. Doubtful, but possible. I'll have another ultrasound to see if my cervical length has shortened again and see if I've dilated anymore. That will depend on if my bedrest continues in the hospital or if it continues at home. Everything is a waiting game and as far as I'm concerned...I'll wait 70 days if it means I'll have a healthy, term baby. Please keep our family in your prayers as things are a bit crazy with coordinating schedules and Jack and everything. Thanks for checking in!!

28 weeks

Well...28 weeks before a scare is pretty good I guess! Nothing to panic about, everything is fine, just need closer monitoring now. If you don't like details, then don't keep reading please! I went to the bathroom yesterday afternoon and had a streak of blood. Now, I normally wouldn't panic about a small streak of blood, but this is exactly what happened when I started dilating and went into labor with Jack...so at 28 weeks, kinda scared me a bit!! I talked with my perinatologist (high risk OB doctor) and he wanted me to go in and get checked out just because of my history. Unfortunately Jon was golfing in a tournament (luckily in Brandon), but fortunately Nikki was home, so we ran Jack over to Erica's and headed into the hospital. I got checked in and the resident came and did an exam. Thank the Lord, my cervix was still closed. It looked like I had an infection of some sort and that's what caused a little bit of bleeding. They also checked a fetal fibronectin, which is a protein that can detect if you're going to go into labor and that was negative, which is good. She talked with Dr. VanEerden and he wanted them to do an ultrasound to check a cervical length (same thing I've been doing every 2 weeks). That's where things got interesting. I've been sitting around 26-30mm for my cervical length and yesterday, they got 22 mm....big change!! Dr. VanEerden had said if it went below 25mm, then that would mean steroid shots (to help boost the baby's lungs). So needless to say, I'll be getting 3 IM injections this weekend.  Two betamethasone (steroid) shots and my progesterone shot. So there's the scoop...Monkey looks really good and was active, cervix was closed, but just in case, we're doing the steroids to be cautious. I have another ultrasound on Monday and that may or may not result in bedrest. Please pray that my body will allow for Monkey to stay inside a LOT longer!! Every day/week from here on out is a blessing.

Changes, Changes Everywhere!!

Phew...it's been a crazy month for us! I know, I know...I'm lacking on updates lately!! Although, I do have just a few excuses for the lack. So we've been in our new house for three weeks now...and we LOVE it!! I still can't believe how fast a house can feel like a home...even with all of the boxes still around here! I'm so jealous of those people (aka, Crystal!!) who can move into a house and boom, 2 weeks later...everything is in a perfect place and presentable. Our house, not so much! It's a very slow work in progress...hence, no pictures yet! There's a few too many boxes to have pictures of this place yet. So far, the kitchen has fallen into place rather nicely. We need to paint, but overall, that room is almost complete! The family room off of the kitchen is my next project I want to complete. I got a slipcover to help disguise our not-so-fabulous hide-a-bed and really helps a lot. It took me over an hour to pick out an area rug for that room, but it's all a work in progress. The living room is basically empty, minus a new TV. No idea what we're going to do for furniture, as it is kind of a long room and I can't figure out the best arrangement. It'll come to me eventually, I guess! Someone had asked us about building one time and my response was, "I can't even pick furniture, let alone absolutely everything for a house!" The living room may get the best of me yet...hopefully it'll fall in place sometime soon!

Monkey has also been causing his/her own distractions! This may be a bit personal for some of you, but we've all talked cervical lengths before, so nothing new! Well, the 48 mm cervical length we got last time seemed to be a fluke. My cervical length was 26 mm the first time they measured and well...this last time was 26 mm again. So my perinatologist went and looked at all of the measurements and confidently said my cervix is 26 mm. Now you're probably wondering what's the big deal...well, they don't really want it to be less than 30 mm. So 26 mm isn't a huge dip below, but at 25 mm, that's where they start intervening. By intervention, I mean betamethasone shots (steroids to boost the baby's lungs) and magnesium sulfate (to protect the baby's brain) in case I would go into labor and deliver sooner than later. If my cervical length drops drastically (like 26 down to 18), then intervention will more than likely start happening. If it goes to 25, then it sounds like just more ultrasounds. So we've been a bit nervous about all of this. I'm only 23 weeks and that's barely over half, barely over viability. After working in the NICU, my mind is always more at ease after 27 weeks. My only hope and prayer is that Monkey just stays put and things continue to stay stable at 26 mm. Having a baby before 27 weeks is terrifying for me. There are just so many things that can happen. Like I said, my only prayer is to make it past 27 weeks. I have my next ultrasound on Monday, so that will determine a lot! So for now, we continue with progesterone shots (which hurt like a b*tch by the way!) and keep watching.

Monkey definitely has a different temperament than Jackson. Jack would move around constantly and you'd have something touching my stomach and Jack would punch right back! Monkey...not so much! Jack has been trying very hard to feel Monkey move around and Monkey just doesn't want to be discovered yet! Not even by Daddy either. We'll see if this babe's temperament truly is completely opposite of Jack!

I'll post again after our next ultrasound...send up lots of prayers!! Monkey has a LONG time to bake and keep cooking!

Halfway mark!

Well folks, we've made it halfway! 20 weeks is upon us and things are looking great! I had an ultrasound this morning that looked great. Cervical length was thicker than last time...not sure how it gets thicker, but there's lots of factors that contribute...time in pregnancy, ultrasound tech measurements, etc. We'll take what we get and are thankful for that! Monkey was much more cooperative this time around and gave us some good pictures this time. Our computer is back on the fritz so we need to wait until it comes back to scan them in and get them up. We were joking at work that this babe will probably be better documented prenatally than after! Ultrasounds every 2 weeks with pics every time...I could make an entire scrapbook of just this! There has been much more Monkey movement lately which is fun. I can't wait for Jon and Jack to be able to feel the kicks...both are excited about that!

Shots are going better than expected. Jon is doing an excellent job! There's another lady at work who is a few weeks ahead of me and she's also doing shots. She's having some of the nurses do it for her and Jon was fairly excited when I told him that she had bruises from her shots. Haven't had that yet...Jon is proud! :) Still not fun, but going well. 3 down...15 more to go!

Our big move is this week...Jack is being very helpful with packing up his own things, although he does get a tad confused about what we're taking with us. Toys...yes. Counter...no. Bikes...yes. Walls...no. He'll get it figured out eventually! Our next blog will be at our new address...how exciting!!

Ta Da!!

Here's the pics of Monkey! Our small being is definitely a bit bashful though!! It wouldn't show their face at all...just a few profile pics. Everything looks spectacular and the baby is growing as expected! And this child did a very good job of keeping it's gender a secret...so don't ask, we have no idea!!

heart beat: 157

Upside down

profile shot

I had my first progesterone shot today too, which while it wasn't exactly pleasant, I am pleased to say it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be! Maybe after 18 weeks of this, I'll be able to do shots with no problems. I think Jon is secretly excited that he gets to give them, but won't fully admit it! :) Jon and I decided that it's good to set goals, so our goal is to get all 18 shots in! That means I would be at least 36 weeks...good goal to shoot for! Thanks for checking in!

18 weeks and counting...

This is the last time for about 18 weeks that I'll be able to remember my hiney not being stabbed! That's right...I have the joy of starting my progesterone shots tomorrow. Because Jackson decided to make an early entrance into this world, I will be getting to do weekly progesterone shots to help maintain this pregnancy until 36 weeks. Now, to most of you this wouldn't be a huge deal (and in all reality, it probably won't be...I'm sure I'll get used to it) BUT for me...I hate, DESPISE, dread, will do anything to avoid shots!! I make people go with me to hold my hand for a stinkin' flu shot! This is not going to be fun, but maybe, just maybe it'll get me over my needle phobia!

Tomorrow is also an exciting day, as we will be having our big ultrasound tomorrow! And no, for those of you out there who are wondering, we will not be finding out the sex of this little being. We were surprised with Jack and loved that surprise so will be doing that again! We're just hoping for a nice, healthy baby. We've got names picked out for both a boy and a girl (and yes, those will also be kept a secret!) so we're ready to go!

I'll post ultrasound pictures tomorrow!

Week 17

Week 17 is upon us! Over the last week, I thought maybe the puking was going to stop as I went 2 days without the fun, but no such luck...came back in full force last night and seems like today will be a repeat.  :(  Monkey's acrobats are definitely becoming more distinct now, which is a lot of fun. Jack is convinced that he can see Monkey moving around when we're getting ready for bed. I keep telling him it's just Mommy breathing, but he still thinks it's Monkey. Jack is so excited to be a big brother...every night at bedtime, he lifts up my shirts, lays his little head on my belly and says his prayers and sweetly as can be. Then he talks to Monkey for a while, gives kisses and rubs my belly.

Next Monday is our big ultrasound, which I'm super duper excited about. We can't wait to take another peak at Monkey and watch the acrobats that I've been feeling! We'll get to do a 4D ultrasound, which is really cool to see. Sanford (our hospital) is doing a research study, called Safe Passage, to study prenatal care and SIDS. I got chosen for this study and it certainly is interesting! They asked everything from how much macaroni and cheese I ate the month before I got pregnant to when was your last alcoholic drink prior to conception and what was it.  Odd to say the least and hard to remember! One of the bonuses to this study is some extra ultrasounds throughout...I can certainly answer some odd questions if we get extra peaks of Monkey! After the baby is born, they will do some extra hearing tests, watch brain waves and movements...also random, but we know this research study will do some good!

Well...the brownies I made are calling my name, along with the mint oreo ice cream! The only benefit to all of this puking is minimal weight gain so far...my sweet tooth is thankful for that right now, I guess!  Until next week!!

Here's the pics we've taken of Monkey's growth!

And we're at 16 weeks!

We've officially made it to 16 weeks...only (let's hope it's this long) 24 weeks to go!  Everyone keeps telling me that "oh you're in you're second trimester, the puking will get better." But I'm still waiting for that to happen!  Took a new medication that my doctor gave me, but it makes me feel a bit drugged and sedated...so what's worse?!?  Feeling nauseous or so tired I may forget I have a child to take care of?!? Hard to say! 

Jackson has lovingly nicknamed our baby, monkey, and continues with it, so that's what this babe will be called until his/her arrival!  Monkey is starting to do some mild acrobats over this past week.  Seems that Monkey likes sweets or just eating in general, as that's when I feel the most movement!  Jack is still very excited and wanting to talk with Monkey and sing songs, but has a hard time remembering that he can't just run and jump on Mommy for a while.  Gentle reminders...and it'll happen soon enough! 

Here's to hoping that everyone is right with the prediction that puking will stop soon!  It'd be a huge plus to our lives right now!!  We'll catch up soon!

Jon, Libby, Jack and Monkey

P.S. This week's homemade ice cream will be Mint Oreo...I'm ecstatic!!

It's Baby Time!

I guess it's time to make the official post!  Jackson is excited to announce that he's going to be a big brother in August!!!  My official due date is my best friend's birthday...August 5th!  So yes, everyone's curiosity about why we are moving is correct...we need another bedroom!  Jackson is extremely excited!  The night that we told him, he did his nervous/excited giggle for like 2 or 3 minutes straight!  And then it was right into talking to the baby, giving the baby kisses, singing songs to the baby...over and over.  I had an early ultrasound that Jack got to come along for.  All he said was, "it looks like a little monster."

Overall, I've been feeling OK...well, scratch that idea.  I've puked almost every single day since about 8 weeks...7 weeks of getting sick every night is not my idea of fun, but what do you do!  It's all a part of making a miracle I guess.  I've tried different meds and nothing seems to do the trick.  My doctor gave me something else to try and said it might cause some drowsiness...HAHA!!  I felt like I had taken a horse tranquilizer!  I took it at 5:30 and was dead asleep on the couch at 7:30 and didn't even move until 10:30 when Jon woke me up to go to bed...and then slept until my alarm went off!  So scratch that one off the list!  Other than getting sick almost every day, I've felt pretty good.  Hopefully it continues that way!

Now because Jackson decided to make an early arrival, it bought me a visit with a perinatologist (a doctor who specializes in taking care of high risk pregnancies).  Lucky me, starting at 18 weeks, I'll get to be doing progesterone shots.  If anyone knows me extremely well, I HATE shots and HATE needles!  Oh well, it's all a part of pregnancy I guess!  Jon will be learning how to administer these and he's been given 1 warning...if he doesn't do a very good job....I'm finding someone at work to give them!  I'm sure it'll be fine...I'm just not looking forward to it at all!!  I'll also be getting ultrasounds every other week to check my cervical length.  They don't know when I actually started with preterm labor with Jack, so we're being extra cautious this time.  We're not planning on finding out what gender this little being is until he/she arrives, so hopefully with that many ultrasounds....it stays a secret! 

Come back often to see how things are going...with this going on, I'm hoping to be better at updating our blog!